Why We Find it Difficult, Sometimes, to Let Go Of Anger
Holding on to anger is not stubbornness or a conscious decision; it's protection mode.
Anger is the "fight" of the "fight-freeze-flight" emergency state, and it is the equivalent of having your fists up in a fight - or having your shields up in "Star Trek" :)
As long as the security system detects a threat, it's not going to let down those shields. And the conscious mind cannot override that security system by decision alone. The security system needs to be reprogrammed.But when the threat seems particularly lethal (based on past experience), that security system may not allow you anywhere near it since the danger is so intense.
The Due Justice Technique helps that part of you "annihilate" the threat, which then allows you to go in and change the programming of that security system. In other words - once you've used the Due Justice Technique, you will then be able to go ahead and change the subconscious programming (childhood memories) since the "threat" has been removed.
Holding on to anger is not stubbornness or a conscious decision; it's protection mode.
Anger is the "fight" of the "fight-freeze-flight" emergency state, and it is the equivalent of having your fists up in a fight - or having your shields up in "Star Trek" :)
As long as the security system detects a threat, it's not going to let down those shields. And the conscious mind cannot override that security system by decision alone. The security system needs to be reprogrammed.But when the threat seems particularly lethal (based on past experience), that security system may not allow you anywhere near it since the danger is so intense.
The Due Justice Technique helps that part of you "annihilate" the threat, which then allows you to go in and change the programming of that security system. In other words - once you've used the Due Justice Technique, you will then be able to go ahead and change the subconscious programming (childhood memories) since the "threat" has been removed.
How the Due Justice Technique Works
The Due Justice Technique works with the subconscious mind and the "child in you" - to ensure that the "justice due" is carried out, and closure is achieved. That little child in you finally has someone stand up for him or her; justice has been done; and you have the closure that part of you needs in order to allow you to move forward in letting go and making changes.
Because the subconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination, it will believe that this activity is real.
The Due Justice Technique works with the subconscious mind and the "child in you" - to ensure that the "justice due" is carried out, and closure is achieved. That little child in you finally has someone stand up for him or her; justice has been done; and you have the closure that part of you needs in order to allow you to move forward in letting go and making changes.
Because the subconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination, it will believe that this activity is real.
How to Use the Due Justice Technique
Set aside around 2 hours when you'll be undisturbed. (It's worth doing whatever it takes to prioritize this since it will affect everything else in your life!), and after which you'll be able to sleep. So, a couple of hours before bed-time, or on a day off.
1. Arm yourself with a notepad and pen, or a new document on your computer.
2. Write a letter you'll never send. (Note: This is NOT the Therapeutic Unsent Letter Writing used in other therapies. For the main differences - see the comparison below). Start with the person from your childhood who you feel harmed you the most (whether you consciously understand or not, and whether you've consciously forgiven the person or not, doesn't matter - your subconscious and that little child in you cannot use logic or reason and cannot understand; they just experience and interpret the experience to mean something about who you are and how the world works).
In this letter, make sure you get everything out of you and on to the page or screen. Swear; be unreasonable; use ALL CAPS and lots of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reeeeeally let them have it! No-one's ever going to see this letter, so you can say everything that's inside you.
Although you're not going to send the letter, your subconscious (and that child in you) will believe that the recipient has received it, that justice has been done, and that you have closure.
3. Read the letter through, imagining the other person reading it.
4. Once you feel you're finished with it, tear it up and throw it away, burn it ceremoniously, or delete it from your computer.
5. Sleep.
You'll feel drained, and you'll need to sleep. Your brain will need to process the experience and information, so you'll need to be able to sleep in order to get the full benefit of it.
When you wake up, you can then go back to changing negative childhood memories, and practicing new ones - and notice the difference.
Do this with each of the significant people from your childhood (whether you still feel strong emotions or not).
Set aside around 2 hours when you'll be undisturbed. (It's worth doing whatever it takes to prioritize this since it will affect everything else in your life!), and after which you'll be able to sleep. So, a couple of hours before bed-time, or on a day off.
1. Arm yourself with a notepad and pen, or a new document on your computer.
2. Write a letter you'll never send. (Note: This is NOT the Therapeutic Unsent Letter Writing used in other therapies. For the main differences - see the comparison below). Start with the person from your childhood who you feel harmed you the most (whether you consciously understand or not, and whether you've consciously forgiven the person or not, doesn't matter - your subconscious and that little child in you cannot use logic or reason and cannot understand; they just experience and interpret the experience to mean something about who you are and how the world works).
In this letter, make sure you get everything out of you and on to the page or screen. Swear; be unreasonable; use ALL CAPS and lots of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reeeeeally let them have it! No-one's ever going to see this letter, so you can say everything that's inside you.
Although you're not going to send the letter, your subconscious (and that child in you) will believe that the recipient has received it, that justice has been done, and that you have closure.
3. Read the letter through, imagining the other person reading it.
4. Once you feel you're finished with it, tear it up and throw it away, burn it ceremoniously, or delete it from your computer.
5. Sleep.
You'll feel drained, and you'll need to sleep. Your brain will need to process the experience and information, so you'll need to be able to sleep in order to get the full benefit of it.
When you wake up, you can then go back to changing negative childhood memories, and practicing new ones - and notice the difference.
Do this with each of the significant people from your childhood (whether you still feel strong emotions or not).
The Difference Between Therapeutic Letter Writing and the Due Justice Technique
|
Traditional Therapeutic Unsent Letter Writing:
The aim is to:
|
Due Justice Technique:
The aim is to:
The reason this works is: The subconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and imagination, and will believe that the "guilty party" has been told off, and that justice has been done. This releases the need to hold onto the past, and frees you to move forward. |
Frequently Asked Questions about the DJ Technique:
Can I write the letter to my boss/spouse/ex/work colleague
Absolutely - but you'll need to write it to those who raised you first. Remember that everything you're experiencing now - including your boss, spouse, ex, and others - is based on your childhood experiences. As you encounter the challenges with those in your life today, your subconscious is referring to the "evidence" (in the form of subconscious childhood memories) that "proves" who you are and how the world works, and what certain experiences mean - and then prompting your brain and body to produce chemicals. These chemicals create sensations that your conscious mind interprets as emotions. Write the letter to those who raised you first, and change the childhood memories of those people. Then move forward to the people in your life today.
Who should I write to first?
Start with the person for whom you feel the strongest negative emotions. If you have issues with someone in your life right now (boss/ex/spouse, etc.), ask yourself who they remind you of from your childhood. Then write a letter to that person first.
Do I have to write? Can't I just imagine saying it to the person inside my mind?
It is the act of writing the letter that creates the effect. You may have experienced the feeling of having a lot to do, and trying to keep the information in your mind. When you make a "to-do list" it frees that part of your brain, and you are able to think more clearly. Another example is: When you can't sleep because your mind is too active - if you have a notepad and pen next to your bed, and you "unpack" your head by writing down what it is you're thinking about - you'll find it easier to go to sleep. The purpose of writing the letter is to get all of that "stuff" out of you, and onto the page or screen.
Do I have to write for 2 hours?
No. The 2-hour time slot is just a guide. It may take you longer to get everything out, or it may take a lot less time. Just write until you feel you've got everything out of you and onto the page.
I can't think of anything to say/ I don't know how to start
Just start with: "Dear ______" and then write whatever comes to your mind - even if it's something like: "How are you? I am fine. It's sunny here today, and I'm going to have spaghetti for supper..." - just start writing anything, and you'll find that the emotions start to come automatically. Before you know it, you'll be expressing your deepest emotions. Keep reminding yourself that no-one's going to ever see this letter, so you can really let rip. You want to get everything out of you and onto the page or screen.
Does it make a difference if I write by hand or type?
It may do. We don't know, at this stage. We don't think it should make a difference, but, if you type the letter, and find that you don't get much of a result, try writing it by hand.
I can't feel any anger and my letter is understanding and polite
Try these options:
As I read through the letter, I can imagine them arguing with me, justifying, excusing, and defending their actions
Notice what they're saying and then add your responses to your letter (or write another letter). Even if you're just replying with "Bullsh*t! You don't know what you're talking about! **** Off!" :) Keep answering any responses you imagine from them, until there are none left, and you're able to feel closure. :)
I feel guilty about saying negative things about this person
Remember that they're not going to see it (no-one's ever going to see it or even know you wrote it), and whatever you write is already inside you. This is not about creating bad feelings and thoughts - this is about getting what's already inside you, out of you and then letting it go. So, rather than a reason for guilt, it's a reason for freedom - it's already inside you, and already affecting you; doing this process is getting it out of you in order to get rid of it, to free yourself from it, so that you can have more love, affection, appreciation, joy, fun, abundance, connection, and freedom in your life and in your relationships with others.
Can I end the letter with something positive - appreciation or forgiveness, or love, for example
If you include any positivity - reasoning, understanding, seeing from their point of view, or anything else positive (even right at the end) - it's like telling a child who has been badly beaten that you are doing to deliver justice to those who assaulted her... and she watches you deliver that punishment... and then she watches you apologize to her attackers, try to see things from their point of view, try to understand them, thank them, and tell them you love them. Remember, the child in you and your subconscious cannot use reason or logic. That would feel like a betrayal. Self-betrayal.
Let this letter stand alone - purely Due Justice - with no filters, no reasoning, no understanding, no seeing from someone else's point of view. This is just due justice being delivered. Then, after you've read it, destroyed it, and slept, THEN you can write a letter of understanding, appreciation, forgiveness etc. - a separate letter. Then, you can move forward with positivity, love, appreciation. And then, that positivity will be more genuine, more natural, more free, and more effective.
I wrote the letters, but I don't feel anything different.
That's okay. Not everyone experiences a noticeable emotional shift. Just go ahead and create that new childhood now. If you have memories show up that contradict the new childhood, change those. If you find you're still experiencing resistance, you may need to write another letter. There is no right or wrong - the letter is only a "plunger" to "unblock the drain" so that you can continue washing your dishes. In other words, a way of clearing the anger, hurt and resentment that is preventing you from letting go of the past and moving forward by changing the childhood memories to more empowering references in your subconscious.
Let us know if you have questions that aren't addressed here, and we'll add them to the list.
Absolutely - but you'll need to write it to those who raised you first. Remember that everything you're experiencing now - including your boss, spouse, ex, and others - is based on your childhood experiences. As you encounter the challenges with those in your life today, your subconscious is referring to the "evidence" (in the form of subconscious childhood memories) that "proves" who you are and how the world works, and what certain experiences mean - and then prompting your brain and body to produce chemicals. These chemicals create sensations that your conscious mind interprets as emotions. Write the letter to those who raised you first, and change the childhood memories of those people. Then move forward to the people in your life today.
Who should I write to first?
Start with the person for whom you feel the strongest negative emotions. If you have issues with someone in your life right now (boss/ex/spouse, etc.), ask yourself who they remind you of from your childhood. Then write a letter to that person first.
Do I have to write? Can't I just imagine saying it to the person inside my mind?
It is the act of writing the letter that creates the effect. You may have experienced the feeling of having a lot to do, and trying to keep the information in your mind. When you make a "to-do list" it frees that part of your brain, and you are able to think more clearly. Another example is: When you can't sleep because your mind is too active - if you have a notepad and pen next to your bed, and you "unpack" your head by writing down what it is you're thinking about - you'll find it easier to go to sleep. The purpose of writing the letter is to get all of that "stuff" out of you, and onto the page or screen.
Do I have to write for 2 hours?
No. The 2-hour time slot is just a guide. It may take you longer to get everything out, or it may take a lot less time. Just write until you feel you've got everything out of you and onto the page.
I can't think of anything to say/ I don't know how to start
Just start with: "Dear ______" and then write whatever comes to your mind - even if it's something like: "How are you? I am fine. It's sunny here today, and I'm going to have spaghetti for supper..." - just start writing anything, and you'll find that the emotions start to come automatically. Before you know it, you'll be expressing your deepest emotions. Keep reminding yourself that no-one's going to ever see this letter, so you can really let rip. You want to get everything out of you and onto the page or screen.
Does it make a difference if I write by hand or type?
It may do. We don't know, at this stage. We don't think it should make a difference, but, if you type the letter, and find that you don't get much of a result, try writing it by hand.
I can't feel any anger and my letter is understanding and polite
Try these options:
- Take a moment to imagine these things happened to another child. If you have children, or you know children (nieces, friends' children etc.), imagine the people who raised you treated those children the way they treated you.
- Remind yourself that no-one's ever going to see this letter, and the purpose of it is to just "clean out the infected wound" and then you're going to destroy it.
- Take a break from it, and go to changing childhood memories of that person. Notice what happens when you try to change those memories. Notice what happens inside you. Then come back and try writing the letter again.
As I read through the letter, I can imagine them arguing with me, justifying, excusing, and defending their actions
Notice what they're saying and then add your responses to your letter (or write another letter). Even if you're just replying with "Bullsh*t! You don't know what you're talking about! **** Off!" :) Keep answering any responses you imagine from them, until there are none left, and you're able to feel closure. :)
I feel guilty about saying negative things about this person
Remember that they're not going to see it (no-one's ever going to see it or even know you wrote it), and whatever you write is already inside you. This is not about creating bad feelings and thoughts - this is about getting what's already inside you, out of you and then letting it go. So, rather than a reason for guilt, it's a reason for freedom - it's already inside you, and already affecting you; doing this process is getting it out of you in order to get rid of it, to free yourself from it, so that you can have more love, affection, appreciation, joy, fun, abundance, connection, and freedom in your life and in your relationships with others.
Can I end the letter with something positive - appreciation or forgiveness, or love, for example
If you include any positivity - reasoning, understanding, seeing from their point of view, or anything else positive (even right at the end) - it's like telling a child who has been badly beaten that you are doing to deliver justice to those who assaulted her... and she watches you deliver that punishment... and then she watches you apologize to her attackers, try to see things from their point of view, try to understand them, thank them, and tell them you love them. Remember, the child in you and your subconscious cannot use reason or logic. That would feel like a betrayal. Self-betrayal.
Let this letter stand alone - purely Due Justice - with no filters, no reasoning, no understanding, no seeing from someone else's point of view. This is just due justice being delivered. Then, after you've read it, destroyed it, and slept, THEN you can write a letter of understanding, appreciation, forgiveness etc. - a separate letter. Then, you can move forward with positivity, love, appreciation. And then, that positivity will be more genuine, more natural, more free, and more effective.
I wrote the letters, but I don't feel anything different.
That's okay. Not everyone experiences a noticeable emotional shift. Just go ahead and create that new childhood now. If you have memories show up that contradict the new childhood, change those. If you find you're still experiencing resistance, you may need to write another letter. There is no right or wrong - the letter is only a "plunger" to "unblock the drain" so that you can continue washing your dishes. In other words, a way of clearing the anger, hurt and resentment that is preventing you from letting go of the past and moving forward by changing the childhood memories to more empowering references in your subconscious.
Let us know if you have questions that aren't addressed here, and we'll add them to the list.
